Summary: It is possible to abuse yourself sexually. When we think of sexual abuse, we think of sexual predators and sex offenders. But in general, most of the sexual harm done to our generation is not done by a second party; it is done to our self.The dictionary defines abuse as simply ‘to use wrongfully or improperly.’ One could define sin in a similar manner. Sin is something right done at the wrong time, or in the wrong place, or with the wrong person, or in the wrong order. Sex, in its rightful place, is something holy, good, and beautiful. Misuse it, and it becomes abuse.Perhaps the greatest reason why we abuse sex is because we are subjected to its misuse on a constant basis. Between the magazine covers placed at a child’s eye-level in grocery stores, television, sexual innuendos in the work place and at school, sexual pressure between friends, commercials and advertising, and the common everyday dress styles it is hard not to be bombarded with sexual misuse. Abraham’s nephew, Lot, chose to live in a sexually perverse city known as Sodom. The Bible in 2 Peter 2:7-8 has this to say about its effect on Lot: “And delivered just Lot, vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked: (For that righteous man dwelling among them, in seeing and hearing, vexed his righteous soul from day to day with their unlawful deeds).” The overall impact on Lot’s life was profound. To begin with, he lost influence over his children, lost his wife to her love for the lifestyle of Sodom, and eventually had sexual relations with his own daughters (Genesis 19). Without realizing it, Lot began to abuse himself sexually. The continual affliction eventually helped him reach a point where he was willing to offer two of his own daughters to the men of Sodom to be raped and molested (Genesis 19:8).
We often think that we can ‘handle it’ when it comes to sin. We subject ourselves to it voluntarily when we watch television and we just pass it off as something we can handle. Sin has an eroding effect much like water and the sun will over time. Water, given enough time, will destroy anything. The sun has the same power. Sin, given enough time, will subtly change your perceptions, desires, and loves. This is the worst kind of self-abuse. We allow sexual perversion into our life thinking that our own maturity can ‘handle it.’ But the more we afflict ourselves with it, the more we are subtlety changed. Ultimately, the greatest sexual abuse perpetuated on us is not what others do to us against our will, but what we allow our eyes and senses to see of our own free will. People do change. Some change because of trauma—this is often an instantaneous change. Most, however, change slowly, a little here and a little there as they subject themselves to abuse—something used wrongfully or improperly.The mind becomes subtly altered when subjected repeatedly to something and begins to accept what once was considered unacceptable. Hitler’s propaganda minister, Joseph Goebbels, said, “If you say a lie often enough, it becomes the truth.” And to those who chose to listen to the lie, eventually they will see it as the truth. This is self-abuse. For most of us, our problem is not sexual abuse, but sexual self-abuse.
We often think that we can ‘handle it’ when it comes to sin. We subject ourselves to it voluntarily when we watch television and we just pass it off as something we can handle. Sin has an eroding effect much like water and the sun will over time. Water, given enough time, will destroy anything. The sun has the same power. Sin, given enough time, will subtly change your perceptions, desires, and loves. This is the worst kind of self-abuse. We allow sexual perversion into our life thinking that our own maturity can ‘handle it.’ But the more we afflict ourselves with it, the more we are subtlety changed. Ultimately, the greatest sexual abuse perpetuated on us is not what others do to us against our will, but what we allow our eyes and senses to see of our own free will. People do change. Some change because of trauma—this is often an instantaneous change. Most, however, change slowly, a little here and a little there as they subject themselves to abuse—something used wrongfully or improperly.The mind becomes subtly altered when subjected repeatedly to something and begins to accept what once was considered unacceptable. Hitler’s propaganda minister, Joseph Goebbels, said, “If you say a lie often enough, it becomes the truth.” And to those who chose to listen to the lie, eventually they will see it as the truth. This is self-abuse. For most of us, our problem is not sexual abuse, but sexual self-abuse.
Press Play to Listen to a Chapter Excerpt From Launch Out Into The Deep titled, "The Secret Shame: Confessions From Men."
