Typically—though not always—men have a higher craving for physical sexual pleasure than a woman does. This does not mean that a woman enjoys sexual activity less than a man does. It means that the way a woman approaches sex and the way a man approaches sex are often from different angles.
For a man, physical pleasure translates into emotional satisfaction. For a woman, emotional satisfaction translates into physical pleasure. A man’s ability to be aroused and then to climax is much quicker and faster than that of the typical woman. A woman, usually, needs more time, more affection, more attention—more emotional satisfaction—before her arousal prepares her to climax.
A man finds emotional validation of his masculinity after having sex. This validation is often important to a male ego. Men are often known for ‘boasting’ about the quantity of their sexual triumphs, and a woman—if she brags at all—about the quality or who she slept with. For a woman, sex is a validation of her relationship with her man. If she is emotionally satisfied during sex, she will feel more secure in her relationship.
This is a very important distinction. A man defines himself by his work while a woman defines herself by her relationships. Ask a man to define himself, and he will tell you his occupation. Ask a woman to define herself and she will tell you who she is: wife, mother, or friend. This definition, or validation of self, carries over into sexual activity. If a husband takes the time to love his wife, to shower her with affection, gentleness, and romance, he gives to her the emotional security that is so paramount to her. She, in her own way, having ‘submitted’ her body to her husband validates his masculinity—a source of security for him.
In Ephesians 5:25, God commands the husband to love his wife: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” The word ‘love’ is the Greek word ‘agapao’ which means a deep abiding love. God knows that a woman has a need to be satisfied emotionally and therefore commands the husband to provide that satisfaction.
Likewise, we find that in Titus 2:4, God commands the wife to love her husband: “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands…” But there is a difference, an important difference. The word ‘love’ here is a different Greek word. Here it is ‘philandros’ which means an affectionate or physical love. When a wife gives her body to her husband, she shows that physical love that brings security to a man.
It seems God understands our sexual natures quite well. When both a husband and wife’s sexual nature is satisfied, there is nothing like it. This works best in a marriage, because a marriage has made an emotional commitment that brings security and well-being to sexual activity. God understood that, and that is why He said in Hebrews 13:4, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Compare the level of satisfaction between the right way and the wrong way, and you’ll come to believe it too.